All Dolled Up

Ever notice the difference between a dull blog and a lively one? The latter tends to have lots of interesting visuals to accompany the written word. So, in the spirit of a lively blog, I am presenting to you this week a few of dozens of ways to snazz up your blog or personal pages. What say? You don’t have a blog or personal page? That’s quite alright. Just enjoy this week’s column’s visual appeal.

Get your own road sign at www.customroadsign.com

Find 63 pages of cartoon images to customize at www.comicstripgenerator.com/.

Write your own newspaper snippet, just as I did. Find it at www.fodey.com/generator/newspaper/

Want to make your own custom receipt? It looks real, but don’t try to fool the IRS. Go to http://www.customreceipt.com.

Last but not least, you can generate your own Dave Barry-type story. It’s called the auto-Dave Barry generator and it comes in “lite” and “full” versions. Find it at www.peacefire.org/staff/bennett/autodave/. Here is my version, however lame:

Recently in Michigan City (motto: “we fried up some tasty grasshoppers just for you”), residents reported an outbreak of crinoids. Perhaps you think there are no crinoids in Michigan City. Perhaps you are an idiot.

As the French say, au contraire (literally: “you left part of your brain at home today!”). I have here in my hands a copy of an Associated Press article sent in by alert reader Tom, whose name can be rearranged to spell “TMO”, although that is not my main point. “Tom”, by the way, only has the letters “om” in in common with “Monica Lewinsky”, so there is no other reason to mention Monica Lewinsky in this column.

According to a quote which I am not making up, from Michigan City Mayor Maximillian (formally “Mayor Maximillian” and informally “slugger”), crinoids ranks as a major crisis just behind driver, brakes and accelerator (insert your “steering wheel” joke here), as evidenced by the following conversation between Michigan City government employees:

FIRST MICHIGAN CITY EMPLOYEE: “I’m outta here”

SECOND MICHIGAN CITY EMPLOYEE: “I’m gonna wring your neck”

FIRST MICHIGAN CITY EMPLOYEE: “I used to like you”

Fortunately I have a suggestion for Mayor slugger, and that is: take all of George Steinbrenner’s money, including stock options.

No, seriously, my suggestion does not involve George Steinbrenner’s money, including stock options, although it might involve sending scam emails to Tobacco Institute scientists. My suggestion is more along the lines of a coup de grace, from the French coup, meaning “living”, and de grace, meaning “on my own private island”. The procedure (you may want to write this down):

1. send all of it to Mars or Pluto

2. use a plunger

But instead the Michigan City city council (motto: “We’ll pass laws that benefit everyone when you pry the double latte out of our cold, dead fingers”) thinks that they (the crinoids) will wash up on the beach soon, sending this message to the public, and to the world: “My car gets better gas mileage than yours”.

Speaking of which, “The Michigan City Crinoids Outbreak” would be a great name for a rock band.

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~ by IndianaDunesPoet on June 24, 2008.

One Response to “All Dolled Up”

  1. On http://www.txt2pic.com you can make more fake images with your text.

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