All Dolled Up

Ever notice the difference between a dull blog and a lively one? The latter tends to have lots of interesting visuals to accompany the written word. So, in the spirit of a lively blog, I am presenting to you this week a few of dozens of ways to snazz up your blog or personal pages. What say? You don’t have a blog or personal page? That’s quite alright. Just enjoy this week’s column’s visual appeal.

Get your own road sign at www.customroadsign.com

Find 63 pages of cartoon images to customize at www.comicstripgenerator.com/.

Write your own newspaper snippet, just as I did. Find it at www.fodey.com/generator/newspaper/

Want to make your own custom receipt? It looks real, but don’t try to fool the IRS. Go to www.customreceipt.com.

Last but not least, you can generate your own Dave Barry-type story. It’s called the auto-Dave Barry generator and it comes in “lite” and “full” versions. Find it at www.peacefire.org/staff/bennett/autodave/. Here is my version, however lame:

Recently in Michigan City (motto: “we fried up some tasty grasshoppers just for you”), residents reported an outbreak of crinoids. Perhaps you think there are no crinoids in Michigan City. Perhaps you are an idiot.

As the French say, au contraire (literally: “you left part of your brain at home today!”). I have here in my hands a copy of an Associated Press article sent in by alert reader Tom, whose name can be rearranged to spell “TMO”, although that is not my main point. “Tom”, by the way, only has the letters “om” in in common with “Monica Lewinsky”, so there is no other reason to mention Monica Lewinsky in this column.

According to a quote which I am not making up, from Michigan City Mayor Maximillian (formally “Mayor Maximillian” and informally “slugger”), crinoids ranks as a major crisis just behind driver, brakes and accelerator (insert your “steering wheel” joke here), as evidenced by the following conversation between Michigan City government employees:

FIRST MICHIGAN CITY EMPLOYEE: “I’m outta here”

SECOND MICHIGAN CITY EMPLOYEE: “I’m gonna wring your neck”

FIRST MICHIGAN CITY EMPLOYEE: “I used to like you”

Fortunately I have a suggestion for Mayor slugger, and that is: take all of George Steinbrenner’s money, including stock options.

No, seriously, my suggestion does not involve George Steinbrenner’s money, including stock options, although it might involve sending scam emails to Tobacco Institute scientists. My suggestion is more along the lines of a coup de grace, from the French coup, meaning “living”, and de grace, meaning “on my own private island”. The procedure (you may want to write this down):

1. send all of it to Mars or Pluto

2. use a plunger

But instead the Michigan City city council (motto: “We’ll pass laws that benefit everyone when you pry the double latte out of our cold, dead fingers”) thinks that they (the crinoids) will wash up on the beach soon, sending this message to the public, and to the world: “My car gets better gas mileage than yours”.

Speaking of which, “The Michigan City Crinoids Outbreak” would be a great name for a rock band.

Social Networking Wars; Summer Camps

There is a reason I’ve never reviewed social networking websites MySpace, Facebook and Friendster. I found a clever video that satirizes the social networking trend and parents of teens might want to have a look at it. Among my other meanderings, I came across several directories for summer camps, plus other goodies.

Social Networking Wars (http://current.com/items/88913552social_networking_wars). Yes, that is a long web address. May I suggest that you log on to my blog at http://cyberscribbles.wordpress.com? There you can just click the link to this video. I’ve already done the work for you. This short animation succinctly sums up my attitude towards those social networking sites, and it accurately portrays, sadly, the addictive effects of the Internet. My observations have revealed that when the younger generation is not logged on a laptop, they have a cell phone plastered to their ears. My guess is that their phone conversations resemble a page from MySpace.

Summer Camp Directories. I ran across several, so I present to you more than one web address to access. Most offer the same sort of information. I know I’m late in the season for telling you about these, but who knows? Some of these camps, which vary from basic camping, swimming, archery, etc, to more specialized, such as Scuba, whitewater rafting, wilderness, archeology and such, may possibly have openings in the weeks ahead. Try these: www.allensguide.com, www.summercamps.com, www.campage.com, or www.acacamps.org. Most of these give tips for choosing a camp and how to deal with your child’s homesickness. Also, check out www.theholeinthewallcamps.org, where you will discover Paul Newman’s camps have expanded globally for children with disabilities. Even if you do not have a child with a disability, you will be amazed at the amenities these camps provide.

Hulu (www.hulu.com). The people at Digg.com have been buzzing about this alternative to cable television. Yes, you can watch The Daily Show, Colbert Report, The Office, and Family Guy without paying for cable—if you have a fast internet connection. You can watch some decent, full-run movies, too. Sideways is listed, for example. I don’t have cable and sometimes I feel left out when others start talking about certain television programs. The internet is doing its best to change that. Give a high five for this noble democratic effort.

Divine Caroline (www.divinecaroline.com). Not that there is a dearth of websites focused entirely on women’s interests, but so many of them are offshoots of print magazines. This one has no such ties, so you will find far, far fewer ads floating around when you log on to the site. Plus, Divine Caroline actively seeks articles from its users. They even proofread your copy for you. But, ahem. They do not pay. Veteran freelancers will want to shun the offer, yet having one of your articles posted online is a good way for budding freelancers to add to their portfolios. I forgot to mention that this website is chock full of links. I like that. The content of the site is the same as in most women’s magazines: beauty, health, relationship issues, and recipes. If you are tired of the commercial and flashier sites, have a look at this one.

Wave Journey (www.wavejourney.com). I followed a link from Divine Caroline and discovered a wonderful resource for women travelers. Actually, the site bills itself as “A Woman’s Directory for Travel & Life.” I stumbled upon a wonderful article, for example, about little known freebies one can find in Paris. It’s possible to find similar information on TripAdvisor, but the more I surf, the more I find little gems like this that are impossible to discover with a Google search.

http://current.com/items/88913552social_networking_wars

oh, hello…

Foodie Alert!

Typo Hunt Across America (www.jeffdeck.com/teal/blog). Apparently I am not the only person who cringes when running across signs that are misspelled or have misplaced apostrophes. My former English teachers drilled those lessons into my head back in the day. When I discovered the “Typo Eradication Advancement League” (TEAL), I knew I wasn’t the only oddball disturbed by poor spelling. It’s unlikely the younger, text-messaging generation would care, or perhaps even notice these things. Yet TEAL has its usefulness, and I hope it attracts more “apostrophe apostles.” The site shows before and after pictures of signs corrected by typo hunters, who are advised to ask permission before making the changes, or in the case of large, corporate signs, to point out to the business’ manager the offending error. Pack a bottle of white-out in your pocket or purse and you can become a TEAL member too.

Food I Fear (www.forrestwalter.com/food). In what would be another buried blog among the millions accessible on the Internet, this young man from Indiana has written a page dedicated to food misadventures. I did not find other parts of his blog very interesting, but when he wrote about his experimental food purchases and likes and dislikes, I kept hoping there would be more to read. His description of squid in cayenne juice, for example, is amusing. Anyone tried that delicacy? Oh, and he does not like hummus, or soy products, or pesto. If you are a meat-and-potatoes fan, you will empathize.

Burnt Food Museum (www.burntfoodmuseum.com). Maybe I missed something, but this site, touted on The View and NPR among other media, does not live up to its hype. Curator Deborah Henson Conant created her “museum” after an incident with apple cider left to boil way too long. She was distracted with a long, chatty phone call and forgot about the brew, boiling and transmogrifying into what became her first museum specimen. The burnt toast specimen, among other charred comestibles, is nothing special. We’ve all done that, right? Maybe this site is to make us all feel okay that we’ve destroyed some foodstuff beyond recognition. But an actual traveling exhibit? Spare me.

Eat Dangerously (http://eatdangerously.com/portal/). You’ll find several cookbooks here. Go first to “The Thorough Good Cook,” which to me, is the most interesting of the bunch. These are recipes from 1896, and if you have time on your hands and a woodstove, you’ll be all set. There is actually a recipe for Pease Pudding—close enough to pease porridge to get my attention. Another goodie is “Braised Lettuce Soup.” Yummy. Other cookbooks you can link to (although they want you to buy them) are: “Your Last Meal Before Dieting,” “Valentines Menu,” “Recession Recipes,” “Thanksgiving Dangerously,” “Eat Dangerously in Braziil,” and “A French K.i.s.s.” By the way, that braised lettuce soup recipe is also in the Recession Recipes cookbook.

Reminiscent Recipes (www.masterstech-home.com/the_kitchen/recipes/). You know those magazines where people write in asking for help finding those long-lost recipes of yesteryear? You might possibly find them here. The Kentucky Derby is now just a memory, but if you want to prepare for next year, there are a bunch of authentic brunch recipes to use. You will also find a good selection of recipes from the 1950’s—some that have seasoned well over the years. On the other hand, who is still making “Checkerboard Square Clam Crunch”?

Sports, and T.E.D.

It’s not often you find me writing about sports websites, but you will find a few here this week. Enjoy this rare treat, because you’ll probably have to wait another year until I get around to looking at them again. Let’s say I did it in the spirit of attempting to stay well rounded. In addition to the sports sites, you can access information about the recent Mars exploration and discover some exceptional “visioneers” at TED.

Olympics (www.olympic.org). As the summer games approach in Beijing, we can educate ourselves about the 35 sports and 400 events that comprise the Olympics. You’ll find a thorough history of each sport here, and you can access information about all medalists honored since 1896. There is a bounty of information here for those who follow the games. What I did not know is that Taekwondo was added as a competitive sport in 2000, and that canoe and kayak racing has been part of the games since 1936. Too bad that television does not cover those sports. A whitewater canoe slalom would be fun to watch.

Auto Racing (www.indycar.com). Curiosity had me accessing IndyCar, because I wanted to find out how much gasoline was consumed during the Indianapolis 500. Being a practical sort, I find motor racing a waste, particularly with the gas price increases being blamed on projections of huge consumption increases internationally. I did learn that the engines at the Indy 500 run on ethanol, something I would not have known had I not found this site. Fans of auto racing might like the interviews with drivers, stats and more stats, and, they will already know what the red, green, black-cross, red cross, and other flags mean. I know it is two weeks past the big May event that puts our state in the spotlight, but fans of the sport know that more races happen elsewhere. Go here to get all the latest news of the sport.

Play Golf America (www.playgolfamerica.com). Duh. So that is what PGA stands for! I am wondering if some casual golfers have been as ignorant of that fact as I was. This website is a teaser to get people to become hooked on the sport. The site encourages women to get involved to get ahead in the business world; secondly, to get exercise. What is nice for golf widows and their children is the designated Family Golf Month in July at participating local clubs. That includes a “Take Your Daughter to the Course Week” July 7-13. I was hoping I could tell you about some free golf tips videos to watch here, but I could find only those that you have to order online. Sorry about that. You can type in your zip code and find the nearest links with PGA family programs, special events and more. (Note: PGA stands for Professional Golf Association, doesn’t it? Duh, again!)

Mars Mission (http://phoenix.lpl.arizona.edu/). The folks down in Tempe are mighty proud to have assisted with the launching of the Phoenix’ Mars mission. Their website posts the latest photos taken from the landing site, and informs us with background information about our neighboring planet in a link named “Mars 101.” If you’ve been following the latest space mission, log on and see what’s new.

T.E.D. (www.ted.com). My friend Charlotte sent me a link to this site, which is a visual summary of an annual, invitation-only conference to “Technology, Entertainment, and Design.” Its mission is to foster the spread of great ideas. The link that took me to the site was a demonstration of a very intricate robotic prosthesis designed by Segway inventor Dean Kamen. The prosthesis has been tested by, and designated for wounded soldiers currently. This video, along with many others, gives us a glimpse into the world of innovative “visioneers.” Not only inspiring, this website is a wonderful antidote to all the negative news we are bombarded with daily.